"I rigged my cellular to send a message to my PDA, which is online with my PC, to get it to activate the voicemail, which sends the message to the inbox of my email, which routes it to the PDA,…"

"There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies. And the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies."

"I remember the difficulty we had in the beginning replacing magnetic cores in memories and eventually we had both cost and performance advantages. But it wasn't at all clear in the beginning."

"Perhaps if we wrote programs from childhood on, as adults we'd be able to read them."

"Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to measure progress. Some cathedrals took a century to complete. Can you imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long?"

"The Web is like a dominatrix. Everywhere I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to Submit."

"Better to be a geek than an idiot."

"Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?"

"Within a computer natural language is unnatural."

"Moore's Law - The number of transistors and resistors on a chip doubles every 24 months"

"Some programming languages manage to absorb change, but withstand progress."

"The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offense."

"Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?"

"In programming, everything we do is a special case of something more general -- and often we know it too quickly."

"If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up."

"A great lathe operator commands several times the wage of an average lathe operator, but a great writer of software code is worth 10,000 times the price of an average software writer."

"Vista is the the George W Bush of the technology industry."

"Though the Chinese should adore APL, it's FORTRAN they put their money on."

"The more I C, the less I see."

"There’s an old story about the person who wished his computer were as easy to use as his telephone. That wish has come true, since I no longer know how to use my telephone."

"Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important."

"Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free."

"There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer."

"The goal of computation is the emulation of our synthetic abilities, not the understanding of our analytic ones."

"A good system can't have a weak command language."

"The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."

"Computer : a million morons working at the speed of light."

"I'm struck by the insidious, computer-driven tendency to take things out of the domain of muscular activity and put them into the domain of mental activity."

"Our business is about technology, yes. But it's also about operations and customer relationships."

"It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years."

"Every operating system out there is about equal… We all suck."

"Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something."

"As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn’t as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized…"

"The mass majority of computer users are conservative. They want to use the software they're used to using."

"I want people to understand the amazing, positive way our software can make leisure time more enjoyable, and work and businesses more successful."

"The protection of personal information stored on our nation's computer systems is critical to public trust in those networks and to the health of our economy."

"Grove giveth and Gates taketh away."

"eBay's business is based on enabling someone to do business with another person, and to do that, they first have to develop some measure of trust, either in the other person or the system."

"Where there is the necessary technical skill to move mountains, there is no need for the faith that moves mountains."

"Saying that most of the computer was filled with personal images is simply not accurate."

"Computers are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows."

"Windows 95: It's like upgrading from Reagan to Bush."

"The best museums and museum exhibits about science or technology give you the feeling that, hey, this is interesting, but maybe I could do something here, too."

"I don't want to be left behind. In fact, I want to be here before the action starts."

"As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws."

"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is nothing like Shakespeare."

"Any given program, once deployed, is already obsolete."

"The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time."